Love in the Club

July 16, 2010

It’s FRIDAY!!! (David Haines style of course) and you’re headed to the hottest spots tonight…just you and the girls. That brings me to share my Rule number one- probably the single most important rule. “Leave with who you came with!” I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s happened to all of us. You get there and there they are, FINED up, lined up, dressed up, and damn sure smell GOOD! But I gotta go with what I know. You bring your girls, you take your girls home. Seeing who your girls been dancing with and checking all night is the only way to judge who may be the most sober of your bunch. That man that’s been lurking all over her all night can’t wait for you to turn your back on your girl. Besides, she likes the attention, concluding…you’re definitely more sober right now! He is looking JUST like George Jefferson and for some reason (mmhhh -hmmm alcohol) she keeps seeing Taye Diggs, and swearing she’ll be okay to leave with him, he may be the one she says. This is when you know you just became your girls “wing woman” and hell, she’d do it for you.
This end of the night scenario brings up so many questions. The first one being “Can you find love in a club?” Usher thinks so, now he’s not the best judge of character… so now we have to decide for ourselves. How can you see past the crowds, the alcohol, the music, the bottles popping and money passing hands, dress codes and the most beautiful woman contest to really get to know someone at a club, or even if they’re worth getting to know later. What are the grown folks list of do’s and don’ts when it comes to clubs and love for that matter?
The one experience I can say we have all had (if you haven’t, ask someone) is that “PLEASE let them look like they did, or at least like I think they did… Dear LAWD PLEASE!” That second meeting. That lunch date, daylight changes a person looks. You’re sober now, or at least I hope you are. Then it hits you, they are probably thinking the same damn thing about you. You and your girls were fly as hell at that club, tearing it up and demanding everyone’s attention. Did you act a fool? Did you do something or say something you don’t remember? This brings us to Rule number two- “Know your limits”. Holding your hair back is not how anyone wants to end the evening. Losing your cell phone, forgetting to get your credit card back on the tab, giving God only knows who your real number, all of these experience will drag your Friday right through your next week, maybe more, and could’ve been simply avoided by knowing your limits. Remember, you are looking great. Do you really want to ruin that with whatever’s on the bathroom floor? Plus you are really feeling this guy, so you may want to remember this conversation. He is not going to call a flip flopping female tomorrow no matter how “Fancy huh”, you thought you looked. Rule three, wear your outfit ladies, and don’t let it wear you, or wear you out for that matter. If you are not comfortable and tugging pulling and adjusting all night, or worse, not tugging and ass out everywhere, love is NOT what’s going to be on his mind. Nor is respect.
He has done all the correct do’s and don’ts for the man in the club as well, managing to take up most of your time and attention already. Fortunately, men’s do’s and don’ts seem so much easier and their list so much shorter. 1)Follow the dress code, but don’t come looking like you just left work at a law firm, that just looks like you’re trying a little too hard. 2) Don’t overdo the cologne. I want to smell you up close not smell you coming. 3) Leave the fake me out, wish I was living in a rap video world jewelry at home guys. We are women; we specialize in deciphering fake from real especially diamonds. Cubic Zirconia, Swarovski crystals, hell Diamonique… we can sniff it out like blood hounds. When I say smell you close I mean, we can and will smell you, women do that. But remember look do not touch unless invited.
There are actual rules that also apply here. “Excuse me”, now that is how you get a ladies attention, even Chris Brown knows that! Not “Ehh Ma”, we are not your mother nor are we interested in parenting you. 4) Please never touch a lady you don’t know. If you must, I mean MUST touch her to get her attention keep your hands above her elbow, and DON’T grab or pull on her. A very pleasant tap on the shoulder will get you a lot further in grown man points. Grabbing screams control freak and women will avoid it like a man with 7 baby mommas.
It’s a fact that people who touch you above the shoulder when speaking to you respect you. (Ladies did you read that and re read that? Read it again for good measure) 5) Don’t hang with your boys all night or feel like you have to parade our conversation in front of them. They see you, TRUST me. If they approve or disapprove they will let you know before the end of the night. Ladies, if his boy grabs him for small talk and you don’t see him anymore, you didn’t make the cut. Do NOT hunt him down in that club. Brush your shoulders off and remember on to the next one. He did you a favor, he couldn’t man up to his boy and he couldn’t be honest or respectful enough to you after wasting a lot of your time. 6) Offer her a drink without flaunting all the money you have on you. We don’t care, and if she does it’s because she’s going to drink that money and end up on the bathroom floor, not at your house.
Okay, for tonight we have laid a foundation. We have covered rule one to keep you and your girls safe and stalker free, rule two to keep you looking like a lady, and that dress intact. You know you only have 14 days left to return it and that tag has got to stay on. Plain and simple if that dress didn’t work as good bait, its going back, you and I both know that. Then we covered the short, sweet, and simple list for the guys to help them with what will most likely grab your attention tonight. This should do for now… let’s see if we can find love in that club tonight. We’ll be back next week to discuss the alternative.
Be safe. Don’t drink and drive, someone has to get everyone home, and make sure they’re really seeing Taye, Idris, Morris, Channing, Trey and the list goes ON. Sorry I digress. Make sure your girls not moving on up, or going home with George. I’m sure Weezy would not be pleased. Its summer ladies, check for that left hand tan line, that indentation, or the hand always in the pocket. But that’s a story for another week.
As always we are going to close out with a lil grown woman suggestion do another woman a favor tonight. If she turns her back or walks away from her drink let her know. Make sure she leaves with who she came with as well… at least until she finds love. (Or that alternative)