LOVE IN THE CLUB PT II

July 23, 2010

One Night Standing… Catch 22 or Win –Win Situation?

Remember last Friday we were talking about love in a club… and it brought us to the “alternative”…. It posed a question that I’m not sure even I alone after all these years can answer. Its 2010 a lot has changed but has the idea that a woman that would have a one night stand not be considered “easy” changed?
Sex and love do not always go together and I must say I know just as many men as women who seem to still believe they do.
Men for some reason just like us to think that we are the only ones. You want proof? Tell your man you have had a one night stand before and never talked to the guy again. He will look at you as if your face is green and there is just no way physically or emotionally possible that women can separate the two. The fact is I actually know more women who do not believe that they have to love someone before or after sex. Do men still stick to the idea that those women are loose? Or somehow disconnected and easily disrespected… while increasing the number of notches on their headboards still makes them the man?
So last week maybe you didn’t find love in the club but you did find many eye opening, available, mouth watering possibilities. THAT my friend is the alternative. The friend with benefits. The one night stand. What happens when that one night stand turns into more? Does it? There are so many questions still in 2010 and it seems that we need to get right down to the core of the situation at hand.
Both men and women can be physically attracted to the opposite, or hell, same sex. Protected, how can there be anything wrong with it if neither is in a committed relationship. (We will touch on this topic next week) You can exchange names this is not prostitution. You like each other. You spend some physical and mental time together. If you choose to pick up the phone and do it again you have every right to do so but that obviously negates your ONE night stand though. Hence you are now standing at the threshold of the doorway to a friend with benefits.
Fellas we don’t always get attached. Don’t be offended and think you weren’t good enough sexually. We did what you did. We had and itch and we scratched it. Period. People allow one night stands to affect their self esteem more than they think about love or any other emotion. Ladies, do you hear me? He is worried about his performance, not about yours! Especially if that phone never rings again.
In a world where we change our minds by the minute, trade in cars, switch jobs, and return retail items on a daily basis why is there so much emphasis put on calling afterwards? You don’t have to. Neither of you. What you do have to do is KNOW that you don’t have to and ACCPET that they don’t have to either. If you cannot get this one and only rule to one night stands through your head then you my friend are NOT prepared and in you are in a catch 22 situation. You want the sex, but you want more, and you are not only lying to the other person but you are lying to yourself. My advice on that keep your legs closed until your mind is right.
Now the win-win is very simple. Don’t get attached. No expectations except of course the ultimate “O” and then move on. Be calm. Don’t allow a natural physical human urge to distract your conscience into telling you that you’re a bad person. Don’t exchange numbers, then there’s no pressure and for sure no expectations. If your paths cross again then they cross and if they don’t they don’t. One night stands are about sex, not love, not emotion. If your head is right and the other persons head is right, then the end result is a win-win. Problem is how do you know if you don’t really know the person?
Answer: KNOW YOURSELF! Know what you can handle and what you can’t. Don’t force yourself to do something later you will regret. One night stands aren’t for everyone; some of ya’ll still do the boring, lay down thing don’t you? They are definitely a way to get to know what you like and what you don’t but don’t get me wrong. I’m not pushing you do so. You’re grown, now go out and act like it. Use protection!!! one night stand can turn into monthly checks for 18 yrs fellas. It’s not just a woman’s job to protect herself (that’s a conversation for another day).
Go out tonight, remember your rules from last week, and keep in mind your alternatives. Catch 22 or win-win?
-Sunshine