Dating More Than One Person

July 30, 2010

DON’T PUT ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET, IS THAT EVEN OK ANYMORE?
He was sweet, caring, gentle, respectful, fun, and everything that I was looking for. We spent our first night together, actually by mistake. Ohhh…get your minds out of the gutter. We fell asleep on the couch watching a movie. At this point we had been talking now for about a month, maybe a little more. It was nice. We were curled up on the couch talking and laughing next thing you know we both were knocked out. The next day we exchanged texts all day about how great it was holding each other. Wow, he was not wrong. It was nice. His arms were strong and his heart was soft. Ladies you know what I’m talking about, that safe feeling. The one every woman wants… “mmm mmm mmm!” the kind of man Salt n Pepa were talking about.
Then the tone of the conversation did a complete 180. It came from nowhere. Was I busy tonight? Um, yes, actually I was busy that night. I had a date. Now while I don’t believe all my business is everyone else’s I also don’t lie very well and don’t feel that as a grown woman I should have to lie. So I simply said I’m sorry, I have a date tonight that was actually planned a while ago. Here the conversation began. Last week I asked you if two people are not in a committed relationship is it wrong to date other people. #1 made it clear for an hour that he felt it was. See, I was just out of a long relationshit, yea I said it, relationshit… the only kind I seemed to have had up until this point. So meeting more than one person, sleeping with none, at this point, I say there is nothing wrong with it. Was I obligated to have let him know? He felt so! And he made that abundantly clear. Don’t get me wrong, I was a little stuck at this point. Last night was wonderful, the kind of night you want every night and this date was the last thing I really wanted to do. But I felt I needed to give man #2 a chance.
We ladies all know you fellas work on a probationary period, like a new job. Ninety days and you all change up. So we owe it to ourselves to make sure, don’t we? Well man #1, that’s what we will call him, strong arms, great hug, soft heart, I digress but you get my point, and I call him #1 for MANY reasons…owww . Again, #1 was not pleased. He said if I was seeing other people I had an obligation to tell him. I explained that including him, I was sleeping with no one. Do I still have to tell him where I am or if I choose to accompany someone to dinner or let them take me to a movie? Is this a male thing? As women, or course we wouldn’t like it but I tacked that up to female jealousy. His point was clear though. Why should he invest his time, money, effort or feelings in someone who may or may not be serious about only getting to know him? Point taken. Remember we are not committed. How do I know if he is only seeing me? I never asked. I really didn’t want to know at this point actually. I figure if you don’t ask, you don’t get hurt. I actually stated to him that I believe in don’t ask don’t tell. I grew up with all brothers and I know this is how you all do it to us. It was taught to me a long time ago. I never, until then, thought it was offensive. (Of course #1 bumped them all after this but ladies don’t kiss and tell)
Lets bottom line this. When were the commitment level definitions created and who in the world came up with them?
Talking: in other words, we are not committed; we may or may not have slept together. It’s not really serious. Women think it’s headed to the next step (seeing each other) and men know it’s a way to keep her on lock while they still shop around.
Seeing each other/Dating: this is the limbo too many women find themselves uncomfortably placed in, and don’t stand up and claim their place. Yes indeed we are seeing each other, and sleeping together. Men love this, this is their comfort zone. There is exclusive, which means ladies, he has feelings that he cannot divulge, cannot express, or cannot handle himself at this time. Then of course on the other hand non exclusive. Which is self explanatory. Guys, guess what? We hate this! Personally I feel that unless exclusive is discussed at this point, you are non exclusive until it is.
Then of course you graduate to each other’s man or woman. Self defined meaning those are his/her goodies and you best keep all those eggs in that basket.
Things used to be so much easier. You meet someone. You like someone. You want to go out. They ask, you go. If you feel like seeing them again you do, if you don’t, you don’t. And you didn’t have to discuss it with anyone. Is it wrong to see more than one person at a time, if you’re not sleeping with any of them? Or if you’re only sleeping with one of them? #1 shed a lot of light on this for me. I still don’t think it’s wrong, I just think I’d rather stick with my #1… you guys will have to decide for yourselves.
So when we head out tonight do we have to tell that good smelling, succulent, educated, respectful man that asked for our number that we have plans with Johnny from around the way on Saturday? I’ll have to chalk it up to the best advice I have been given since my relationshit ended… “Keep your legs closed till your mind is right”. It doesn’t mean you can’t have dinner, right? I guess it just mean the “alternative” is off limits at this point.
We want to see you back next week so remember drinking doesn’t mix with driving OR sex, so be safe tonight.
-Sunshine