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“Aww, looks like someone made up! Are those hickeys I see?” That’s what she said. I faked a smile and fixed my tee shirt to hide the marks. No they aren’t. I woke up at 3a.m. he was sitting on top of me his knees on my arms and he had his hands wrapped around my neck. I was going to die. Right there with my son in his crib, only 8 months old, he was going to kill me. Why? All I did was fall asleep. I thought I was dreaming that I couldn’t breathe. Instead I woke up to this nightmare. I had tolerated the yelling, chasing me around the house, the urge he always had to intimidate me.

This “man” stood over a foot taller than me, and 80 pounds heavier. He always found a way to use that to his advantage as well. Initially I wasn’t scared. I thought to myself all feelings aside; I will end up killing him before he can kill me. But I guess not in my sleep… that’s where he really had the advantage. No, I never called the police. I had no place for me and my son to go. I know that’s my own fault but you would be amazed at what you will tolerate in a time of need for your child.

Even before I became a mother, even when I was pregnant, that little boy became my world, and his father became jealous, enraged, threatened, and abusive. I should’ve left then. Hindsight is always 20/20 though. He was so sweet sometimes. Some days he was attentive and concerned, caring, he rubbed my back and made sure I wasn’t sick. He asked me to marry him one day to make a real family. I said no. The next day he pushed me down the stairs, nine months pregnant with his son. When that wasn’t enough and I wasn’t showing that I was scared he punched me in my face. He hit me so hard every earring fell out. But still I stood. There were people there.

His own family watched him do this. They cared for me, at least his brother did. He took me home, he begged me to call the police, to go to the hospital, to break up with him. I was young; I had nothing, except this child I was creating. I thought it was nerves and when the baby came he would see things would be okay. It wasn’t. I was making excuses for a boy that had a baby on the way. I was making excuses for my own toleration of being treated like a human punching bag.

The night before wasn’t as bad. He wanted to go out. I needed him home, we argued, just a typical argument, at first. When it began to escalate I took the baby upstairs. He followed. As I began to lay my son in his crib gently kissing his sweet pouting face and watching as he was falling asleep so beautiful and peacefully, I was taken off guard with a left hook. I hadn’t finished laying my son down! He was still in my arms. How could he do this? To me? To him? I tried to keep my balance for the baby. Instinct kicked in and I knew he had to land on me and not the other way around.

We bounced off the wall. I ran to his mother’s room and handed her the baby. “Lock the door and do not open it at all” I demanded. I will never forget those words. I was chased back down two flights of stairs. That’s it, not my son, that’s all I could think to myself. I’m getting my things and I’m getting the hell out of here. Even if I have no place to go. I beat him to the basement and locked the bedroom door with him banging and screaming. I ignored it. I packed everything in black garbage bags. What a representation of how I was being treated. I only came out when it was quiet.

The phone was just around the corner, the only thing in the unfurnished living room. I had already looked up the numbers to all the shelters and abuse hotlines. I was leaving. This time was not a threat I was sure of it….this time. I reached for it off the wall. He came out of nowhere and I was twenty feet from where I started, face first into the marble fireplace. He walked away but I couldn’t. Whiplash? Is that even possible without a car accident. Yes it is.

Then this? Ten perfect finger prints around my entire neck. When I left work I went straight home. There was no more hiding. There was no more covering for him, or for myself. There was NEVER going to be a time again where I was scared for my son. I picked up my son, fed him dinner, and dressed him for bed. I went to kiss him and he smacked me in my face. I couldn’t stop the tears. They were pouring without emotion. I took all my bags and I put them in the car as he watched me. He even helped. We didn’t speak one word. When I was done. I gave him a small hug, wished him luck, and said goodbye. No I’m not crazy; I had to forgive him so that long road home didn’t seem impossible.

It’s been fourteen years. Not one time do I think about what I have been through that I cannot feel every punch, every hot tear, no matter how many years have passed. Some scars are permanent. I was meant to live through it all. I was meant to take every beating and every day as a learning experience so that I can be here to tell you that you need to leave. When you feel there is nobody there for you. That you have no place to go. Take a good long look in the mirror and ask yourself “where are you now”?

~Sunshine

What did James Brown say? “This is a man’s world, this is a man’s world but it wouldn’t be nothing nothing without a woman or girl” So true, those words, but to what extent? Women have the same degrees and the same experience as men. We have the ability to work, keep a house, have children and manage to have fun while doing so.  Why is it then that it’s so difficult to be recognized financially in the business place or to be treated equally in an environment where you don’t choose to be in charge? There are plenty of places we are respected, even admired, but in my experience those are the places we have to be in charge in order to gain that respect and admiration. When we’re placed on a level playing field it seems that is when we are seen more as sexual objects and not peers, yes I said it. Face it.

Yes we all know that men and women think about sleeping with each other. Grown and mature, or committed adults don’t typically act on it. But that thought crosses the minds of all of us. Recently I have noticed that it’s become a lot more acceptable for the thoughts though to actually come out of the mouths of men. Unless you force your hand at this point or flex your authority you’re subjected to it repeatedly. If you do express your authority or interest in pure platonic business then you’re seen as a bitch. It’s even worse if you’re an attractive woman, and if you’re available, even worse than just attractive.

I had three business meetings last week that could’ve been perceived by appearances to have been dates. Now I do believe in chivalry and that men should treat women with a different type of respect. But then where do these lines cross? When these lines do cross it makes expectations of both sides blurry and confused. You want and need to maintain a professional atmosphere but you also are friendly and would like a relaxed work environment. Where is the line? I work under my maiden name and do not wear my wedding ring during work. I know what you’re thinking already, trust me, I do. I have considered the same thoughts myself. If I am not wearing my ring, and do not expose my personal information then somehow I deserve in a business environment to be hit on.

Now re read that. It now does, when seeing it in black and white, seem slightly ridiculous, doesn’t it? I have my reasons. They may seem wrong to you but for arguments sake I will share them. First reason I do not wear my ring is because I am separated. I don’t feel that is anyone’s business but mine, and when people see rings, they ask questions. Simple human nature. The second reason is because as a female in an entertainment company, men don’t, in my experience, want to believe that you could be in charge. So when they find out that you’re married or in a relationship ask if you need “permission” for meetings, contract reviews, photo shoots, studio time, etc. All of this being none of their business as I see it. The last reason is because I choose to keep my personal life personal, especially for the sake of my children.

So here we are no matter how explicitly we express the need to keep business professional sometimes comments slip out and thoughts are there. As women we could use this to our advantage. In all honesty I see the women who do. I see the relentless flirting, and giggling, and in the end they only get laid, not paid, so I still cannot understand it.

~Sunshine

Dead-beat dads. That sums it up right there doesn’t it? Men who make kids but don’t financially take care of them. Real women will tell you it’s not about the money but the time they spend with them the emotional and physical care as well. It’s not often though that when you hear “dead-beat dad” that money isn’t the first thought is it?

Some women complain and harass these men to get that check each week or month but do they drop the kid or kids off to play ball every other weekend? Do they call the father ten times because there’s a doctor’s appointment coming up?  I’m only asking you to take a look around at what I have noticed and simply recognize that there’s more than one thing that needs to change to make this stop.

Mother’s point of view: I’m working, sometimes two jobs, have the child with me all the other times I’m not at work except the times I can get a sitter to go out. Daycare cost so much; I have assistance but I pay what I have to. WIC doesn’t cover everything, just milk, juice, cereals, but still diapers and clothing comes from my check. My rent voucher doesn’t cover the entire amount. I still have to pay that as well, and then there are groceries that stamps don’t cover, utilities, my car, gas, and insurance. Car insurance not health insurance.
When I quit my second job, my income was low enough that we qualified for FAMIS. So I’m busy 24/7/365 and I’m making it work, on my own for me and mine. (First newsflash, you’re not doing it on your own if you have assistance in every aspect)Why shouldn’t I take what help I can get and make this sorry excuse for a man pay up for what I deal with?

Father’s point of view: I’m working, she lets me see the kid when she wants to or needs a sitter for the club, then she calls more than enough and its always only about money. She has daycare, food, rent, and healthcare assistance and still wants money from me that leaves me broke and her ripping and running the streets. The only time of year she leaves me alone is tax season because she’s claiming the kid, and getting anything I have coming back to me. Why should I break my neck to work a second job when she’s just going to want more money if she finds out. Every time I see her she has new clothes and her nails done. My family buys the kid toys and clothes for birthdays and holidays.(First newsflash for you, what GRANDMA buys is NOT from Daddy, stop claiming) Why does she think I have no right to improve my own quality of life?

The welfare system was designed and is supposed to be used to assist people in helping themselves. A temporary crutch to those who need it. It is not a substitute for child support. Just as grandparents and daycares are not substitutes for parenting. It’s odd that when you look at a scenario such as this one, even if it doesn’t exactly apply to you, it is a lot easier to see both sides isn’t it? The father may help more if he really believed the mother needed it. The mother may not need all the assistance if she kept the second job or the father helped more. We’re just running in circles. Still we are only talking finances.  Have you noticed that somewhere along the lines people decided on a dollar amount that their children are worth? Fathers and mothers use the financial needs of the child to gain control over the actions of the other parent. I.e. Mother; “if he wasn’t spending money on HER or that damn car, trying to live like he’s in a video, then maybe he could’ve bought diapers this week, if he was concerned he would’ve asked what they needed, if he isn’t concerned then he doesn’t need to see them this week.” Father; “she has a new outfit, her hair done, her nails done, and a sitter to be in the club all night then she doesn’t need MY money because I’m not supporting her. She left with him, let HIM pay for her hair AND since she was out last night she doesn’t need me to pick up the kids today she needs time with them.”

The following is a brief summary and in NO way a complete list…Mothers- top priorities should NOT include: dick, dollars, do’s, divin’, dancing, drinking or drugs. Fathers your top priorities should NOT include: pussy, pockets full , pregnant girlfriends, pimped out rides, prison, pushing or puff-puff passing. Still, we have yet to talk anything about the children. In most instances this continues to be true. Dead-beat is a term most people have learned only refers to the fathers. It doesn’t. If your  top priorities are not your child’s health, happiness, education, well being, and over all development and growth as a person, then dead beat by all means can describe you. The only time a child should have a dollar sign attached to them is when people are paying for artificial insemination!  Once that child is here… there is no amount of money in the world.

~Sunshine

We have so much in common and at the same time so little. It’s funny. I can tell him everything and anything. He never over reacts. He doesn’t yell. He speaks to me as a person should. He opens doors. He listens to what I say, and answers! He’s chivalrous, attentive (to more than just my ass). He calls me back when he says he will and answers when I call him. We met by accident, but I wonder sometimes if maybe it wasn’t an accident at all.

For 20 years we’ve been in different “places” in our lives, but if I needed him, ever, he was right there. I can’t say the same though, for two reasons: one, he’s a man that handles his own. He doesn’t believe in having a woman help you when there are things that you should do on your own. The second reason, I’ve got you breathing down my neck 24/7. You’re just waiting for me to cheat. You doubt every word I say, you clock my every move like a probation officer. I’m just me, here, living. Yes, we have had our issues. Actually you had yours. I sat here and dealt with them, and with you. When you said you wanted out I opened the door. I don’t believe in holding onto one end of a rope another person has let go of. You wanted back and I allowed it, not only for myself, but because I knew you wouldn’t make it on your own, and I was not willing to live with that at this time. We have history, you and me.

Now everyday you doubt my words, my actions, phone calls, text messages, my intentions. I can’t grocery shop without you thinking it’s for another reason. I can’t see my family without taking you with me. Girl’s nights are canceled. Have you forgotten that you’re the one who cheated? I asked myself “is there life for me after you cheated?” I am living it to the best of my abilities but you’re damn sure making this difficult. I see him every day. We don’t speak the same way since he knows I took you back. He is still there, I know it, I can see it in his eyes and his actions, and I hear it in his voice. We still have all the similarities and differences that we have always had. I know that this “knowing” between he and myself, it’s not pity. He knows me better. I don’t lie to him, and he doesn’t lie to me. He holds no cards with me. Never has actually.

He works at the same place he has for the past 20 years. While in the eight years we’ve been together you’re on job number 5. He has no kids. While together we have 6. He doesn’t party; he doesn’t waste time, money, or effort on frivolous things. He cherishes his family. You waste everything given to you, because you believe so strongly that you deserve to be handed things. God knows you wasted me. My time, you threw out. My efforts, you turned your nose at. My love, you tossed to the side in times of convenience. I have remained faithful, throughout. I have never cheated. I have seen you thru all your ups and allowed you to drag me half way down with you. Half way, I wouldn’t allow you or anyone else to take me all the way down.

The oddest thing is that throughout all of this I have remained faithful. I have questioned your ability to do so but still stayed honest to myself. Now I have to tell you the honestly, you are beginning to make me want to cheat. You owe the fact that I haven’t to the idea I wouldn’t want him to think less of me.
~Sunshine
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There are things that men do and I guess its human nature that you wonder if they are clues or hints that something may not be “right”. You can’t help but ask yourself questions in retrospect. Did he concentrate on a part of your body that you feel is not something that a real man would? Did he act like he had no idea what to do with some parts of your body that you feel are the most feminine? All the talk, songs, and movies coming out referring to the subject of men on the down low has only increased this feeling some may call a fear.

As a woman finding out that your partner is on the down low, after first being furious at the health risk just for cheating, I am sure your second thought has to be inadequacy. The ultimate feeling of inadequacy has to be when it’s physically impossible to give your partner what they truly desire because you simply don’t have the right parts. That’s probably true vice versa as well. There is this one particular female acquaintance always talks about how her man not only prefers anal sex but can only climax that way. I want to shout to her “Honey, he is on the wrong sideline!”, but honestly, like I said she is an acquaintance not a friend.

Now I’m no wear near against spicing it up or trying new things but for years she has been with this man and daily he has anal sex. Poor guy doesn’t even know he’s gay! If he were my man I would’ve suspected after probably day two!  Why hasn’t she?  Maybe he does know. But they’re married. They have children, so obviously at one point he had to prefer a vagina, right? Well at least he went “there” a time or two anyway.

Now everyone is talking about men on the down low like this is some new secret. It’s not new, obviously not even low anymore. Homosexuality is talked about almost daily. Culturally, especially in the black culture it is most definitely frowned upon. So much so that one man tells another “no homo” after the simplest comments. Does this sound like an accepting society to you? “Sex sells”. That’s common knowledge. It sells music, movies, food, clothing, vacations, cars, alcohol, and lifestyles in every aspect. Large breasted women in tight pants, or cheerleaders hardly dressed at all, it’s everywhere that a man should be looking. For years we have come up within society rules of how to be a man. Get married, have children, take care of home, protect their family, children etc. Expectations of jobs that men should do that women should not.  In a society where people beg, protest, and petition not to be judged it’s really a low down dirty shame, no pun intended. It really is no wonder. No wonder at all that these men go on to marry and even have children. The entire time they’re either denying themselves their true sexual satisfaction or satisfying it on the down low.

~Sunshine

The beautiful Teairra Mari came to Washington D.C. on Thursday August 26 for the “Supa Star Thursday’s” party held at the Capitol Heights Ballroom.  After a few local rap artist and go-go bands performed, Mari hit the stage live with the upcoming bounce beat band  New Impressionz. The cross between Hip-Hop artist and Go-Go band proved to be a smooth, subtle mix that had the crowd grooving with hands high in the air.

Prior to Mari performing, she hadn’t practiced with the New Impressionz band but as soon as she started singing, the chemistry was as if they had been playing together for years.

We can only hope that more local Go-Go bands reaches out to Artist and have them play on the same stage together. It’s time for this local genre to get national publicity and this looks like a good start.

It is being alleged that Mayoral candidate Vince Gray is responsible for the recent firing of Anwman “Big-G” Glover, a Wkys radio personality. Glover is known locally for being the front man of the Backyard Band,one of the original DC Go-Go bands. He is also known nationally for his acting on several HBO series as well as NBC.

Sources say that Vince Gray had requested “Big-G” to stop his campaigning for Gray’s rival, Adrian Fenty. After “Big-G” continued to do “spots” (radio promos) for Adrian Fenty, He was dismissed from his position. I was told that Glover never did any campaigning for Fenty during his time on the air but he did do the approved promo’s during other times.

There is a news conference to be held in South East Washington DC at the “Big Chair” on Sunday. Mayor Adrian Fenty is scheduled to be there.

Ownership for Radio One says that Gray “doesn’t even know who Big G is.” They also say that “Whatever claims they are going to be making, I would highly doubt their credibility,” and “If he has an issue being let go, that is between him and human resources. This does not have anything to do with the Gray campaign.”

Thumbs up if you’re for “Big-G”

With the divorce rate in this country being over fifty percent, why then do people continue to get married? The economy makes it difficult even if you divorce to live separate at this time. The leading cause for divorce…. You guessed it… that low class bad weave wearing hoe in the corner and your man 2 drinks too many, priorities askew can’t keep his shit in his pants. My assignment for this article was to talk about the rules of cheating. Well my editor may not be pleased but I simply refuse to give a step by step guide to the how-to’s of screwing over another human being. Besides that the bottom line and only rule is … don’t get caught. The fact and truth is it IS cheaper to keeper, as horrible as it may sound.
So I have decided my article is going to be one that may make that difference when you head out tonight. Let’s talk about the 80/20 rule. That rule is by far the most accurate relationship rule ever created and yet so ignored. For those of you unaware of it the rule states “ in most relationships you will only get 80 percent of what you need from the other person, so when that 20 percent your lacking walks by, it looks so good to you that you can’t resist (many of you don’t ) and you leave your 80 for what is now and will always only be your 20”. In the long run you regret it, as you indeed should.
Simple human nature causes people to do things only thinking of themselves. You go out tonight and you don’t think at all about what you left at home. Don’t get me wrong I am a FIRM believer in not taking sand to the beach, that you should not bring your relationship into a club or party type atmosphere. But that doesn’t mean forget that you’re in a relationship as soon as you leave the house. Take the ring out of your pocket and purse people. Besides, the tan line is a giveaway. For Mr. Money… so is her name on your credit card!
Everyone says they value honesty. But do they? Could you handle your partner going out, drinking too much, being unfaithful, and then telling you? Can you be honest enough with yourself that if your relationship is on the rocks you have the nerve to end it before you hurt someone else? What if they don’t see it the way you do? Do you have open lines of communication? Do you know what the 20 percent is that you’re lacking in your relationship? Do you know what the 80 percent that you have in your relationship is?
Fact is headed out tonight; if you’re not in a relationship then you can bet that 4 out of the 5 men that approach you probably are.

~Sunshine~

This collection of classic hip hop sounds, which was mixed and arranged by the artist, is her second debut album. It features a raspy voice of hypnotic lyrics that expose the struggles of everyday life over bass thumpin sounds with a gogo twist. Check her out here to preview and purchase the album.